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“If you can’t proceed in doing what you would like to do without having the faith (the scripturally based assurance) that you can do it to the glory of God, it’s best to wait until your conscience has been informed by the Word of God.” If you are having serious, nagging doubts about the wisdom of proceeding toward marriage, make time and effort to resolve those doubts biblically. Another warning sign of an unhealthy dating relationship is the existence of subjects that are off-limits.

Are there certain subjects that your boyfriend or girlfriend refuses to discuss?

Their wisdom is not inerrant, but it may still be valuable. Let the Scriptures be your guide in all matters of faith and practice.” Ask trusted counselors about your relationship and carefully consider their concerns. The Bible forbids Christians from marrying non-Christians, so the most important spiritual harmony comes by ensuring your future spouse is a true believer.

I have spoken to many brokenhearted husbands and wives who have realized too late that they married an unbeliever. Another kind of spiritual disharmony is when major doctrinal differences divide spouses—issues like disagreements on the roles of husbands and wives or on the way God guides his people, whether through Scripture or through other kinds of revelation.

Discuss and decide what you believe about infant baptism and about church attendance and membership. Another serious warning sign is an inability to resolve conflict.

He offers a long list of danger signs, but I want to focus on just 6 of them, on the ones I’ve seen most often. The first warning sign is the existence of persistent doubts about the relationship.Are there subjects you avoid bringing up out of fear of anger or hurt feelings?There are at least two warning signs wrapped up in such a situation: “These kinds of thought patterns may indicate an inability to biblically resolve conflicts on the part of your partner or an inordinate desire for approval on your part.” It could also be fear—fear of the other person’s emotional or even physical response.Either way, a marriage cannot thrive where a couple has subjects that remain off-limits, where relational intimacy can exist only if certain subjects never come up.Learn to talk to your future spouse about anything and everything and be concerned if subjects remain off-bounds. A very serious warning sign within a dating relationship is an increase in physical intimacy—intimacy that is appropriate only within marriage.

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Anyway, while I was pouring out my heart to Scott over tofu scramble at Swingers, he sat back and watched me with a bemused look on his face. You’re creating them yourself.” This took me aback. You only have doubts about yourself.” He was right. Sometimes those relationships work out; more often, they don’t.

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